Watercolor . 21.6 x 28 cm . 2022
I had no idea who MOLLOCH was…
Coming back home from Beyond the Gates was rough. Watching all these “unicorn status” bands perform LIVE, the “alcoholympics”, nicotine withdrawal, having an absolute blast, getting to meet one of the bands in the flesh… Definitely one of the highlights of my life. But again, the physical and withdrawal symptoms were ugh. Burning sensations on my face and upper body which felt like hanging upside down into a lake of fire + bonus metaphysical strobe lights, fever dreams, sleep paralysis, waking up several times a night, insomnia, tinnitus, maybe even slight demonic possession but I’m not the type, maybe even angelic possession a la the ‘Ecstacy of St. Teresa’ sculpture but I’m not the type either….. Really rough. It was also during one of those times that I jumped out of bed at 4 am and exclaimed “MOLLOCH!!!” (the letters that were etched in my mind were spelt that way) then wondered, “Who the hell is THAT?” followed by, “Well, it only means I should paint about it.”
Off the top of my head, bands have sung about secret words/names more than once. There’s also a black metal song floating around somewhere about a demon’s secret name, but I’m not going to comb through a ton of lyrics to look for it.
THE SECRET NAME IS MOLLOCH!
Thanks to Google, MOLLOCH turns out to be a vague older god obscured by the fact that no religion wants to claim him anymore. He was definitely of Caanite origin and some sort of deity for child/human sacrifice. Come “humanitarian” modern laws for society, all the newer younger religions are suddenly ashamed to have anything to do with a god of murder. *CoughcoughCatholicoughism* murdered their own messiah. They even drink his blood and eat his flesh all the time. Since when were cannibals too embarrassed to be associated with murderers?
Just as humans can be the toys of the gods, gods can also be victims of humanity’s frivolities such as these blah “trends” that give modern life so much more butthurt. We have to ask people what gender they want to be referred to as now? And if our “gonad-al” approximation is incorrect we become horrible people? WTF? I’ve been called a ma’am, sir, ma’amsir, ma’amsirma’am, ma’amsirsir, ladyboy (for the win!), whore, psycho bitch, “phyco” [sic](LMFAOOOO!), witch, Satanist, Mr. Bean, John Candy (I swear!)…. The point is it doesn’t matter because nobody can tell me who I am. Besides I’ve been called some shockingly nice things too because people were being creative. The point is, there are more important things to worry about, e.g. do you remember how much blood was spilled making human sacrifices back when it was cool? Better yet, how much blood was spilled in the name of all religion in the first place?
When I befriended the shadow self (that’s part of a different painting), I also found this “realm of endless darkness” in my head. Since MOLLOCH must have been having such a crappy time on earth, it seemed like a good idea to summon him back into that part of my head for the meantime (or so I thought). “He’ll love it and feel right at home!”…… Then as the painting took its own course I realized that I had decided for him, like an Asian parent! Oops!
What felt best was to give him something nice, something he had not experienced before. There doesn’t seem to be anything nicer than the gift of Original Sin! The freedom to choose!
So I SET HIM FREE!
As a parting gift, I also gave him some black magic to help him along the way. This was partially inspired by one of my recent “music porn” discoveries, an Italian band called Fides Inversa. So. Damn. Good. The concept of “reverse incarnation” never even occurred to me before —to eject the God particle out of you and regress into a lower life form. Whoaaahhh! Sooo METAAAAALLLL! And I could relate, having recently ejected parts of other people’s souls my shadow self accidentally consumed. It just meant I had to do it again for mega-withdrawal, and voila!
Just like with the shadow accidents, the act of “Fides Inversa” part deux left me intact and unharmed. I didn’t lose the madness, learned to befriend it, and not let it consume me (without permission). The main distinction though is that the first time around, I just exorcised the souls which weren’t mine in the first place. This time was a little different because I had to exorcise my own demons, including the worst one yet, myself.
I was finally able to slaughter the last of the braincells that were worrying about things that don’t matter.
Was this rebirth? As if it weren’t bad enough that Isa means “Jesus” in Arabic. Do you know what that does to my reputation? Good thing Enslaved named an album after me (or the other way around) or I’d be doomed!
Strangely along this whole process, I’ve also realized that the English translation of “Isa Pilapil” is “One Path”… “One beautiful path”, if you include the “bella” part. Kinda overkill. I’ve just never bothered to string the ideas together before. So one path. Mine. And no one can tell me otherwise.
As a painter, my duty is to create a different world, the unimaginable, inconceivable, planets, universes, like being a gamete of Urizen (because I still have a lot to learn). And I will continue to learn as long as I live, to make myself a better Architect of my universe. I invite people to see things a different way, under completely new light. It is also my job to question all the norms and structures that govern and imprison us, including Satanism. Something that makes you live without the burden of Catholicism’s built-in guilt. Again, more people have needlessly died because of the latter, so Hail Satan too!
As an ultimate act of rebellion against everything, I gave MOLLOCH something extra-extra special. A part of my soul! Not the soul-dump-junk-shit, the pristine ‘virgin soul’ like in KISS’s God of Thunder! Creating this painting was the ritual, and it is also the contract that makes it so for all eternity. This is not even half as scary as what’s going to happen to my face if I don’t cut down on booze.
Now for the first time since time before time, a demon god can have the god seed. The act committed is something unexpected, fresh, and new. Best of all it was anti-everything. Jesus may have given his flesh and blood but nobody has given away their soul, and the best part that made it the most fun of all, was that I did it for absolutely nothing. Free.
Perhaps it’s about time someone serves the demons, by teaching them how to laugh like they’ve never laughed before, and bring them back to life. Molloch is probably laughing his ass off right now. My life is my Masterpiece. “The beautiful work”, “Beau Travail”. And as long as I keep doing my work, I will have a steady supply of this Prima Materia to give away. Maybe that’s what they mean by alchemy. Who knows.
Meanwhile I’m still laughing. No angel, devil, wizard, alien, whatever, saw this coming. Not even I saw it coming. Sheer, absolute, multi-dimensional, anti-cosmic, rebellion.
Last but not least, now that the “Sephirothic Scandal” is wearing off, and all the gods, demons and everything in between have finally figured out the “multiversional” practical joke I’ve just played on them, they’re probably now laughing their asses off too, going “WTFFFF DID SHE JUST DOOOOOO!?!?!??!?!!”
