Exegenesis

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Watercolor and gouache on paper
35 x 47 cm
2025

4.20 is:

• My Birthday
• Easter Sunday
• The death anniversary of my grandma 
• Adolf Hitler’s Birthday
• An “international counterculture holiday” 
• “Cannabis culture slang”
• And the day the ship ST Voorbode, confiscated by the Germans, exploded in Bergen harbor leaving 5000 people homeless, 160 dead, and another 5000 wounded in 1944. 

As for the number 9,

• Today, I’m 45. 4+5 = 9
• It is 9 am. 
• 2+0+2+5 = 9
• Jesus died at the “9th hour of The Beast” aka the “Beginning of Salvation”
• Isa means Jesus in Arabic. 
• Leonardo da Vinci is known for 9 great works: The Mona Lisa, The Last Supper, Vitruvian Man, Virgin of the Rocks, Lady with an Ermine, Salvator Mundi, Saint John the Baptist, The Virgin and Child with Saint Anne, and The Annunciation
• There are 9 planets in our Solar System (Pluto is just on vacation again)
• There are 9 Circles of Hell
• There are 9 Stages of Decay
• There are 9 Obstacles in the Yogic path
• I is the 9th letter of the English alphabet
• Iota is the also 9th letter of the Greek alphabet. It means “absolutely nothing”. 

Like Iota, this could all just be another fine example of Apophenia and mean absolutely nothing. Though It’s undeniable that 4.20 is more exciting than usual this year, and something’s up with the number 9. Thenceforth, there’s no better day than this day of Christ’s Resurrection to inaugurate His Second Coming with The Apocalypse.

Christ literally means “anointed one”. How one becomes anointed is not specified, so whether this can be a self-service shouldn’t be a problem. Meanwhile, the bulk of humanity continues to mindlessly pursue mentors, progenitors, predecessors, and “quotables” to “tell” them what is going on.  

Although the term “Christ Consciousness” does pertain to Jesus, it is about creation, not emulation. One becomes Christ by virtue, and by being as original as he is. One accomplishes it by finding and fulfilling one’s unique life purpose — Not by imitating Jesus. It doesn’t even have anything to do with moral alignment. The “Christ-like Life” is about Specialization, becoming the origin of something so unique that nothing in the Universe is like you, which is why it needs you. 

 “And I saw a beast rising up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and on his horns ten crowns, and on his heads a blasphemous name.”  

–Revelation 13:1

That name is Jesus.

The seven heads of John the Apostle’s Beast supposedly represented seven kingdoms. This is not unique, since the number seven is a recurring theme in global mythos. “Narayana”, a serpent aspect of Vishnu also has seven heads. In Hinduism, He serves as both the Universe and its protector. Each of his heads represents “seven superlative intellects” and seven mental planes. Proximal to the Seven Deadly Sins, there are also the “Seven Veils of Illusion”, a concept of Middle Eastern origin about obstacles to enlightenment. There are also the seven main chakras which can facilitate the same agenda.

In the book of Revelation it is said that those who have faith in Jesus will join him in heaven and receive eternal life, whilst the rest are cast into the lake of fire. What it doesn’t mention is another option, which just happens to be much more difficult than playing “Simon Says”. Let us not forget that In the Bible, God created the world in seven days too. Just as its connection with the number 7 suggests, The Bible’s Beast is The Way. 

And on this special day The Beast of Revelation finds its unique purpose and becomes Christ. But first it devours the other one, Jesus, to transmute into the crucible of its specialization. Now the term “Beast of Revelation” can make more sense. The Beast is the revelation. And through it, people can become their own saviors –Regardless of faith.

During this self-Creation, The Beast sprouts an additional two heads and the proverbial 666 inverts into 9s. Adjacent to the 9 “Antarayas“, Each head becomes one of the 9 Spheres of Liberation, with 9 labyrinths of damnation and 9 or discovery. 

1. SLOTH

Conscious thinking can be divided into involuntary and voluntary. These are not to be confused with the brain activity that controls our organs, or sympathetic and parasympathetic processes.  Involuntarily, we still process external stimuli even if we had no intention to do so. For example, I am not interested in the neighbor’s dog as I am typing but still notice it barking in the background. Meanwhile, voluntary thinking is required for composing these words. Not only am I creating these ideas but making myself do so. 

The proximity creatures are from wilderness affects the proportions between their involuntary and voluntary thinking. Wild animals are constantly alert, but their thoughts are more instinctive and geared towards food and danger. It is unlikely to see a wild animal composing a painting or writing music because these skills do not facilitate their survival. Hence, their processes are more involuntary as they are reactions to the environment.

When Civilization made survival less of an ordeal, gaining some control of their surroundings gave people surplus time to ponder the meaning of life. Unlike our animal counterparts, we developed new adaptations such as Creativity to palliate our newfound inner quests for meaning. Correspondingly, the proportion of our voluntary thinking abilities also increased. 

The collective result of these inner quests is “Art”, which is distinctly man-made. Some call it “the highest form of human expression” since it is a byproduct of our evolutionary success. We use it to express our identity, to demarcate an era, and to address intangible and abstract concepts. We still use it to speak to the future, address the present, and learn about the past, making it a good barometer of mankind’s overall development. 

As it reflects the current civilization, Art doesn’t only indicate the degree of thought, but the quality of it. And through it now, we are seeing the unprecedented side effects of the Anthropocene — A concurrent blur in the thought processes that once made humans distinct as a species. 

Technology Is turning comprehension into a matter of convenience. As we can now make unwanted information disappear with the swipe of a finger, we habitually bypass information until the next thing that tickles our fancy comes along. The volume of assembly-line “unwelcome data” we ignore on a daily basis is training us to pay attention to only what we find appealing. 

In relation to this, there are already enough people who think only as a requirement. This is why many who are successful academically or even career-wise, are lost when matters exceed what they had to learn. Their thinking is motivated by reward or avoiding negative consequences, so the effort is reduced to the bare minimum, which is mostly involuntary.

The combination of factors of this present time is discouraging people from using their voluntary thinking altogether. By doing so only when we like, we are relying on our autopilot, and like our Animalia counterparts, are reduced to reacting to the environment as we did originally. We are also ingraining unnecessary cognitive bias upon ourselves. 

But everyone has cognitive bias, so what is the big deal? The issue stems from when one is not aware of it causing a particular reaction, versus having a more objective approach. Not only that, but cognitive bias also destroys our sense of quality because people cannot be bothered to see or understand more than what they deem necessary.  

When the audience is incapable of processing unsolicited data, Art, which is composed of intangible ideas, otherworldly concepts, and abstraction is first to take the hit. To survive, artists then become accustomed to using banal tactics to beckon the psychologically banal. Is it really a surprise that everything is starting to look and sound the same? Unfortunately, as with our primitive predecessors, voluntary thinking is turning into a luxury once again. 

In medical prescriptions it is common to see the letters “PRN. They stand for the Latin phrase “pro re nata”, which means “if the circumstance arises”, or “as needed”. This new age has bred people who think pro re nata, and those who use only use their brains when obligated, end up in the belly of The Beast. 

II. MECHANIZATION

Contrary to the “Sloth Mindset”, there is another way to reduce voluntary thinking to the bare minimum. It is by becoming nothing but a repository of other people’s ideas. This method requires more effort but is still less demanding than thinking for oneself. 

I used to feel that I would never get close to wherever I wanted to go in life, since I have yet to read more about Ancient Egypt, the Ars Goetia et. al., The Dead Sea Scrolls, the writings of Anton LaVey, Gilles De Laval (not the French one), the Apocrypha, Alchemy, ad infinitum.  This was until I noticed that too much education insidiously suffocates your original ideas too. Even if we do need to learn enough to avoid reinventing the wheel, we must also leave the safety of the harbor and apply what we know.

I’m not saying don’t ever do research again. Just don’t make what Mr. X said before Mr. Y your entire existence. Information should lead to new paths, not make us live inside a rabbit hole. Appropriate reference use can serve as a ballast for independent thought. Use research as a steppingstone to formulate your own unique ideas and create your own unique work. 

We also need references to create our own idiosyncratic tools for filling the gaps between what we do and do not know yet.  Since one lifetime isn’t enough to learn everything, we need to curate what, and how we learn. If lacking a prototype staggers you into inertia, then how different are you from puppet awaiting manipulation? 

All this studying without practical application is Mechanization.  The self-bombardment of so many facts that individuals become amalgamations of other people’s ideas and lose their personal touch. They recite lists as conversation, and just as the ones who can’t be bothered to understand more than what’s necessary, they also lose the creativity to handle unpredictability. Along with originality, they also lose Free Will, since their inability to customize their own answers always makes them reliant on the environment. 

Ever notice the amount of “Unprofessional Professionals”?  So much voluntary thought has been buried by data that they don’ know what to do when they encounter a situation they haven’t studied about.  Even if they’re the supposed “specialists”, their lack of creativity makes them so dependent on books, that their limits don’t go beyond established research.  And I thought that humanity would be near its Zenith and become “illiteralate” by now.

The second head of The Beast devours those whose consciousnesses are “prescripted”. 

III. & IV. POLARITY

Aside from voluntary thinking, we have yet to consider our standards for right and wrong: Morality. Again, the sheer mass of available information provides many “close fits” to agree or disagree with. Instead of devising a unique conclusion, obeying a democratic approximation is a simpler solution.

The Beast’s twin heads of Polarity are not to be confused with “Duality” e.g. Masculine & Feminine. The pairs in Duality exemplify a greater spectrum. Males and females have overlapping as well as unique characteristics that form a whole. They’re not opposites, but form a contrast, and meaning is found within that contrast’s range. Polarity’s “differences” make each side more of the same.

Polarity’s sides mirror each other. And by repelling each other, they actually have more in common. The most orthodox example (pun intended) is Christianity vs. Satanism. People join both these organizations for a sense of empowerment and belonging, they have a culture which includes fashion, music, an aesthetic, they perform rituals of worship, have paraphernalia, they are constantly reacting to the other. They have their zealots, proselytizers, and bonus reading material for the “liberated” proclaimers of servitude. They worship as parasitic empowerment and derive “individuality” from the umbrella of an external source. Whether to absolve deviousness or bestow righteousness, they also impose their expedited self-righteousness.

Polarity is extreme and less “in between”. Each side is equally biased, black or white with no grey, and as basic as “Michael good”, “Dragon bad”. As with the heads of Sloth and Mechanization, people obsess with oversimplifications such as these to gain low-budget meaning. 

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Has anyone ever wondered why all the dragons and devils in the St. Michael depictions look so pitiful? There’s nothing “Polarizing” or awe inspiring about overcoming a deformed and crippled creature. If his adversary is supposed to represent Temptation, the depictions exemplify inequality and cheating on his part.

The silver lining behind those interpretations is knowing that those derpy things are not the dragon at all. They are portrayals of how people like to imagine they have subdued theirs. Temptation, along with passion and desire are paths to life’s true meaning.  Denying a part of a greater whole is the utmost affirmation of its existence. It creates cognitive bias yet again, and If one does not see what makes them feel alive, it will control them subconsciously. This is why many wonder about life’s monotony, yet keep the parts where the magic comes from enshrouded. Dealing with temptation is a driving force to either co-exist with or resist. The latter illuminates why some of the most prominent symbols of machismo in the metal industry are latently gay. 

And what is morality anyway? A construct that follows the trends of the current civilization. It constantly changes; e.g. Human ritual sacrifice is now passé. The animal kingdom has no concept of good or bad, they just follow a certain order out of instinctive cause and effect. 

What is right, what isn’t, and everything in between are in constant flux. Remaining on one side or the other makes one another casualty or recruit of the environment. By remaining polar, one will live as a perpetual reaction to the other, and under their control. In this morbid co-dependence, one settles for some lesser evil, or “sort of good”. The opportunity to notice that both sides are dissatisfactory is completely missed, and into the belly of The Beast one goes.

V. IMMACULATION

The insides of whoever survives at this point would be all gnawed up. A natural tendency would be to grab anything to stop the bleeding, making people inclined to patch themselves up with debris. The byproduct self-righteousness of shoddy self-repair is “Immaculation”. Other catchy terms to describe this phenomenon are: subsidized superiority, and substandard sanctity. It happens when you use your Polarity as Eisegesis.

“Eisegesis (/ˌaɪsɪˈdʒiːsɪs/) is the process of interpreting text in such a way as to introduce one’s own presuppositions, agendas or biases. It is commonly referred to as reading into the text. It is often done to justify or confirm a position already held. But it doesn’t create a new opinion.”

A good example of Immaculation is the notion behind the Law of Attraction. By imagining  you have something, or by acting grateful like it’s already there, it will arrive. Another is thinking that  a “Christ-like” life is one of austerity, or even worse, martyrdom. Though within these oversimplified philosophies there are fragmented truths, they also lead to D-list results.  

Similarly, Satan is often a symbol of rebelliousness, and nonconformity. I don’t think he’s going to show up in bullets, spikes, leather, and warpaint to gather up his fans any time soon though. He wouldn’t be too keen on wearing insignias of livestock either. All the dark horror devil stuff is fun, but we need to see it in a broader context –As outlets for repressed fantasies and sources of secondhand strength. Just like with the Law of Attraction and “mimetic” Christians, these are all fragile sealants over the bleeding cracks of undeveloped identities. 

Instead of acting thoughtfully and meaningfully, many people ape someone else’s process in hope for a similar positive outcome. The context behind the effort is lost, and the orientation shifts towards immediate gratification and profit versus personal growth. Following Sophist steps to expedite gains is pure greed, like expecting a Hugo Award for plagiarism. 

Understandably, it’s easier to fill the self up with “stuff” than to create out of nothing. Hence, it’s always easier to be obsessed or fanatical as one clings desperately onto the fabric of someone else’s reality. Ironically, filling up the wounds which The Beast has inflicted actually depletes you because you’re wearing multiple sets of ill-fitting armor.  

There is a globally understood saying “square peg round hole” for supposedly individualistic people who don’t seem to fit into society. Doesn’t it all just depend on the sizes of the squares and the holes? And since there are so many squares trying to fit into these holes, aren’t they all mainstream for having the same idea in common?

This is a personal version of the “Theory of Relativity” at work. Creativity is determined by how far removed someone’s ideas are from what already exists. The external things one amasses to stop the bleeding get in the way of developing the “self-completing savvy” that makes one realize that it’s not the bleeding that actually kills you. And Creating something out of the empty space left behind is where genuine ingenuity is born.

VI. FEAR

There have always been people who have feared improvisation. They learn instruments not to write their own songs, but to play someone else’s music. They consider copied photographs “works of art”, and use polarity to live a prescripted life. The source of this is one of the most all-encompassing fears — Failure. 

Fear of failure is fear of firsthand experience. Wasting time only happens firsthand. Risk is firsthand. What if the result is not worth the effort? Regret is also firsthand. The reason why real originality and creativity are so rare is because they require the mettle and courage to face repetitive failure. 

Trusting one’s own senses and judgement is also a firsthand experience. It requires valor and responsibility especially when mopping up the mess of an undesirable outcome. Easier to yield to the predictability the first five heads of The Beast offers and say, “I just handled it the way most people would, it’s not entirely my fault”. The sting of defeat is also lessened when sympathizers can say “he just did what any other normal person would do”. 

Fear of failure feeds our tendencies to hang on and to control. Unfortunately this is not self-control. Inertia is a semblance of control because unless something from your external surroundings affects you, you stay the same. “Inertiates” look to signs, have superstitions, and in other words, wait for life to happen. They’re always searching for some signal or authority to tell them when to begin or what to do to absolve themselves from full responsibility. Some always wait ‘til the very last moment so that urgency forces them to decide. They themselves remain unsure about what they would do in an unpredictable situation, but have the indemnity of following something else for when things go awry.

There is also the fear of the self. Some people are terrified of what they will find buried deep inside. Meanwhile, what remains unidentified remains uncontrolled hence people have all these scapegoats for the parts of themselves they have not met. “What got into me?”, should be replaced with “It’s my fault that I didn’t get to know that part of me”, so that people may finally be fully in aware of their actions. I don’t see this as being any different from an external source dictating upon you once again. The only time we are really in control is when we trust our awareness of how we will react, even when faced with unpredictability. 

Discovering one’s true feelings, desires, repressed emotions, revisiting past mistakes and reliving painful events is unpleasant. If only it were guaranteed that the outcome would be favorable so that incentive is higher. But by holding introspection and corrosive self-awareness’ knife with no handle, we increase the confidence to trust our own judgement, even if it isolates us a little bit. Then we no longer drift through the stream of popular opinion or risk drowning in the uncharted waters of the self. 

VII. Violence

Believing that materializing a unicorn on my desk is “creating reality” is just another form of Immaculation. Nonetheless, the infrastructure of the Universe has to go. 

Do we really need all these divine beings to reassure us that there’s more after this life? Do they even help us behave that much? Can’t we act autonomously without expecting reward or fearing punishment? Besides, our thoughts have no limits, and we are free to think whatever we want as long as we remain Civilized. All this speculation about an afterlife still won’t prevent death or verify what happens after. Instead of worrying about it now, I can always cross the bridge when I’m there. Besides, if these divine beings really exist or have “power”, then they can always “reform” and change my mind. 

The “Cosmic Relief” of having external divinity out of the way grants you the opportunity to analyze yourself without outside motivations. Without the protection of beliefs, one is able to prune what is left. Renewal requires the brutality of admitting one’s weaknesses, failures, insecurities and undesirable traits. One must relive the past and be prepared for new unpleasant discoveries. Many don’t even reach this point because as mentioned earlier, they don’t want to see that they were solely responsible all along. 

But there Is only one way to truly atone for one’s mistakes and it is by evolving –Which cannot happen without severity. It is only after we acknowledge what makes us tick that we find the root of our faults. I’m not even going to use the word ‘change’. It’s not something to proclaim or declare. The gradual but persistent non-ouroboric process of managing these roots takes time. 

And if people survive this part of The Beast at all, one realizes that in addition to what the Beast gnawed out, there’s so much more room now that all these beliefs, patterns, and scapegoats are out of the way. However as we do not live our lives perfectly, we also learn that destroying parts of the self is constant work.  Maintaining room to grow is constant work. And only consistency can propel reality forward. 

VIII. PRIDE

There are many popular notions about the ego having to be destroyed for the consciousness to evolve.  The eighth head of The Beast does otherwise by preserving the ego. It is a prerequisite for the final stage. 

After your self-inflicted violence, who are you without your gods, monsters, heaven, hell, reincarnation, diet, music, friends, family, doctrines, race, degree, and all this other stuff you’ve concealed and adorned your true identity with? What are you? Are you the same person when no one is looking? 

Pride or “self-importance” is the internal force that drives us to excel and differ from the rest. It is the force that tells me to repeat a process because the result failed my own standards. An egoless world would be one without value because neither the amount of effort or work would matter. People will be reduced to minimizing exertion in a Cosmic Kumbaya. This is why I’m so averse to Nirvana. 

To answer my own question, more than “who I would be” without the stuff from this reality, is “how I would be”. For instance, I will always have a notion of how I would react to any given circumstance, because it would stem from consistency, and self-respect. Once you’ve overcome fear and have brutally appraised yourself, no one’s opinion can be worse than your own.

Excellence is a state of being as much as it can be a result. It is constant hard work, sometimes even torture. It is willing to stand in the fires of failure and uncertainty indefinitely.  Excellence is about quality, not perfection. It doesn’t even mean you will succeed. I just know I will like myself more because I proceeded a certain way. 

The real meaning of “Free Will” is when no one can take THE WAY you do things away from you.

* * * * * * * * *

There comes a sense of satisfaction in knowing that one does not derive more meaning from acquiring more things. Fortunately, I’ve found a vocation that allows me to make my own: Painting. As I find myself writing another thesis, it’s because I don’t want some pretentious pseudo-connoisseur to make fallacious, flaccidly-metaphorical interpretations about my work after I’m dead. People should spend their time enjoying the symbolism and asking questions like, “Why is Baphomet’s head is “smokin’”? Or “why are there stripes on Ananta Shesha?”

When I began making these ink blot paintings in 2018, I used to treat the random aesthetic of the blots as the Universal Will. The cards that we are dealt are sometimes lucky, tragic, ugly, beautiful, and I used the ink blots to honor that.  They were already complete compositions in themselves, so I was terrified of changing them. I transposed what occupied other dimensions into this one already. Too much messing around with what came through felt morbid, like bastardizing destiny. 

Eventually I asked myself, how different was this from conceding to fate? And from that point on, I started doing whatever the hell I wanted with the inkblots, even destroying them completely to express my own will. No more fear of damaging something that’s already beautiful knowing I can make something better. No more fear of making mistakes because I know I can fix them. 

Knowing I can make something out of any situation is pride.  

IX. PARTHOGENESIS

Once you face your “dragon of temptation”, combine it with the personal “how”, see your duality, acknowledge what is truly inside you, and are driven forward by destroying old parts to accommodate new growth, you find your true specialization –That which “Ma’at-ters” the most. 

Parthogenesis is paradoxical in needing nothing to fill nothing. It literally means “virgin creation” and makes us our own sources of our missing pieces. True to its meaning, you can only do this for yourself, by yourself. The effort that prevents you from regressing into a “Beast Biscuit” continues indefinitely, and no birth is painless, but it fills our emptiness with intangible fulfillment. Through our specialization we can fully experience the “Illusionless Reality”, when we work for nothing in return because we want to. 

* * * * * * * * *

Beginning a painting is always insufferable. As it gains momentum, it slowly becomes incrementally gratifying. This may sound funny but figuring out how to paint the things I don’t know how to paint is always the most difficult. Then there’s the additional push of tying all the loose ends together. Finally, at around 90% into an artwork’s completion, I reach “The Zone”.  Suddenly every brush stroke, sloppy, or even accidental is perfect. 

The Zone is a result of being in complete harmony with the past, present, and future self – A state of complete flow. And during these phases, I am aware that my specialization allows me to transcend reality without pretentious rituals to invest in a new one. I am in my element, inspiration and motivation are symbiotic with the work, and doing my best is not extra, because it’s natural. And this is just about the painting process. I cannot even fully describe the exultation one experiences once a painting is finished.

We don’t need to strive to reach this state of flow during every waking moment. It would become quite ordinary if it were constant. But experiencing it helps one appreciate what life without inner conflict feels like. And through specialization, the Parthogenitor experiences the “proprietary consciousness”. In other words, Divinity. 

There is no doubt that the journey is a natural deterrent. Unlike Odysseus, one might not even return. Hence, many choose to remain empty shells, compilations, and fragments of “public property” inside the belly of The Beast. On the bright side, there are lots of people to cling on to there, like plaque. Is this “the great connection of humanity” they keep talking about?

The “Parthogenitor” is not anxious about the unknown. He knows and trusts himself to make the right decision when the occasion arises. He also is fully responsible for erroneous actions knowing that he did his best at that point in time. He readily lets go of the past and moves forward without hesitation, since evolution is the sincerest form of atonement. 

He is aware that despite all the experience he has acquired, he will make more mistakes and bad decisions, but that doesn’t paralyze him into stasis.  There is no need to understand how all the pieces fit because it is more important to facilitate one’s own growth by welcoming what already exists, what one finds within, what one needs to discard, and what one creates. 

He does not hope or pray for guidance or deliverance because he readily chooses what to do and adapts to spontaneous and unpredictable situations.  He doesn’t sit around and wait for life to rain its boons and banes upon him like an unaltered ink blot, unused double negative space, a painting from a photograph, random ingredients, and never-ending research. 

“Exegesis” means to base one’s interpretation on the way the author intended it.  By authoring his own life, one becomes his own gods, his own monsters, the carnifex of speculative empowerment, his own Universe, and his own Creator. When the self-worshiper uses his original work to author his own divinity, True Genesis occurs. “Exegenesis”.

And Through The Beast, One Becomes Christ.